Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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