I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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