Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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