i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
