He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize