So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
