Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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