You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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