We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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