everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
