just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
