I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
