I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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