Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
