Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
