remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
