Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
