I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
