i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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