dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
