WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
