Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
