my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize