did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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