giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
