Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
