and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
