I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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