My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
