3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
