I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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