I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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