Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
