Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
