Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
