OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
