dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
