overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
