I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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