based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
