the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
