it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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