I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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