why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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