K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
