the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize