well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
