I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
false alarm. still invincible.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
