Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
