ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize