I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
