WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
