I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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