Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
