4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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