My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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