you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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