i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
