I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
