I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
