Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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