I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
