she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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