Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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