sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize