did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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