When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mom said you looked used
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
