help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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