im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
